• Ali Copeland

Learning from relationships and triggers...


I have been reflecting over a situation that occurred nearly four months ago…yes I am a recovering over thinker and don’t always have it together and always learning...!! :)

I think because in this case it invoked a strong emotional reaction from me, that it has hit my ‘trigger button’ and hence why it has lingered and rolled around in my head for that period of time. I did have several attempts at ‘letting it go’ but only superficially, it really has touched a nerve so deep that it keep getting triggered when I felt a similar sting of another interaction or situation that evoked the same feeling.

One of my lessons that is present for me this coming year is around relationships….friendships….and becoming aware of what is a lesson and what is just bad friendship ‘Juju’…i.e. the person is just not for me. Although predominantly the lesson is about observing the reactions I am being triggered with from others and rather than avoiding them, cutting them out or getting caught in ‘judgement’ mode. I have realised I need to address what is being triggering in me by them, as this is actually more of a reflection of how I feel about myself and a judgement I am making about myself.

Which leads me back to the this situation from four months ago, somewhere over the last four months I have allowed my old belief systems, others opinions and my own ego to convince myself that the reaction I received from a friend over this situation was because she thought she was better than me and she was trying to limit me and what I was trying to achieve. Now even as I write that it seems totally absurd and the fact that it’s taken me this long to realise that makes me shake my head. Yet I also hold a non-judgemental space for myself, lovingly and compassionately, as I am not perfect, no one is perfect, and this journey of self-awareness-development-expansion is constantly evolving, there are many repeating patterns-cycles and honestly, it takes a lot of patience, practice, consistency and self-love every single step of the way.

It was during meditation a couple of days ago that I was hit by a bolt of insight, what came to me was that it isn’t that she thinks she is better than me. It was me….it was me that always thought that she was better than me. I had deferred my worth and value as I thought she was in a much better, more capable and more experienced place than me.

This was big stuff and the importance of the timing of this insight was not lost of me, as the Universe has been repeatedly telling me that friendships-relationships will be my greatest teacher in 2019.

Once I let this realisation sink in, I suddenly felt a weight lifted from my heart, I finally felt able to let go of this situation without feeling like I needed to sacrifice the friendship. I didn’t need to close my heart off to her any longer and I could let the defences back down, and I felt a sense of compassion to her as it was possible that she was also reacting from her own fears in a similar way that I was.

I then felt a deep sense of knowing that I have been looking at the relationships in my life in the wrong way, now I don’t mean in either a negative or positive way, it was more a neutral objective observation of various interactions, challenging connections with others in a personal and professional setting, family, friends, colleagues, etc. Intellectually I knew this and thought I was doing the work to support and increase my self-worth and sense of value yet here I realised that there is much deeper work to be done.

Rather than being triggered into a judgemental and comparison space I could now see that the Universe was highlighting the areas that I still needed to work on, to strengthen and acknowledge.

First step being to become aware that it was a lesson and not be drawn into judgement or comparison of another. This can be quite challenging in this age of social media and being able to see what everyone is doing and when. However if we have the confidence in ourselves, belief in our worth and value then it shouldn’t matter what someone else is doing or saying, good…bad or otherwise! Yet highlighted underneath a reaction of judgement and comparison is fear. Fear of not being enough, fear of not being good enough, fear of not having or doing enough and herein lies the lesson for you.

The awareness of this is the first step on the path to healing this lesson, and if you are at this stage, or maybe you will be by the end of this blog :) you need to stop and give yourself a big pat on the back!

Self-awareness of this pattern and belief is the hardest part to master and you should be extremely proud of yourself for being able to look within and be truly deeply honest with yourself and own your part in this, take responsibility for your reactions-triggers.

Then I suggest sitting down with your trusty journal and just writing out how you are feeling, where you noticed your judgement of self, comparison, fear or lack of worth. Writing this feelings and thoughts out will serve you in keeping an objective lens over the situation, similar to talking it out with someone else, its getting it out of your head and into a place where you can then think more clearly. This will enable space for further insight and realisations that may pop up, helping your work through this reaction and to assist in returning you to a more calm loving and forgiving state.

I also find affirmation work useful, especially when dealing with self-worth issues, these are often deep rooted and long held so will take a lot of time and patience to heal and restore. Some of my go to affirmations are below and you can choose to repeat these like a mantra during meditation or just whenever you feel the triggers, emotions arise.

“I do enough and I am enough exactly as I am”

“I love and accept myself exactly as I am”

You can also lightly tap on Small Intestine 3 meridian point which is located on the fleshy side of your hand between the base of your little finger and your wrist, you can lightly tap with the four fingers of your opposite hand while repeating the affirmation of your choice aloud or in your mind and this helps to release the stress and relax your emotional state.

You might find that you need, or would like, extra support in uncovering or processing why these patterns are occurring, where they come from and how to heal them in order to complete the ‘lesson’ and stop reoccurring patterns and themes in your life. This is where Kinesiology can assist, or you may seek help through your preferred energy healer, counsellor, or therapist. The benefit of choosing Kinesiology is that using the technique of muscle monitoring we can bypass your conscious thinking processes to isolate the causal factors, often found in the subconscious mind, and this can be affecting the balance in your emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual state.

Your personal development and spiritual journey is such a personal process, so always tune in to your heart to see what resonates with you as the right avenue and support for your highest good, and if Kinesiology calls to you then I would love to hear from you.

As always be kind to yourself as you travel this new direction…new path and allow time and patience while in your cocoon in preparation for your wings as you undergo this beautiful transformation.

Sending you love and light,

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Ali Copeland Kinesiology & Wellness

0419 810 513

Evandale, South Australia, Australia

©2020 by Ali Copeland.